Note from the Author: This is an extremely honest look at pride, specifically within my own life. I am not in anyway shaming hard labor or attempting to glorify God with our all, but simply the pride that has risen within due to my perfectionism.
The wind whipped across my face as I rushed up the hill towards my college’s science center. Frustration, from my inner critic, slowly built itself deeper and deeper with each determined push. “Eliza, you could have worked harder on that exam. How come you received an 92%? Seriously girl, you could have done so much better on that paper.”
My problem? I am a perfectionist. The type of perfectionist that refuses to labor hours on end to complete a project to perfection. It is a level of work that is drenched in pride. A way that I view my work and how it compares to others. To be perfectly honest, my flesh loves this aspect of myself. I love the congratulations, the hard labor, the early mornings, and the accomplishments. Yet the Lord has been graciously stripping this away from me. I am in no way a finished project, however I know that this characteristic of my personality must be reigned and ruled by the King of my life.
Not only has this pride affected by personal work style and level that I called myself too, but it has also greatly influenced my view of God’s level of perfectionism. For many years I have battled the guilty shame that drenches my soul. This shame and condemnation often comes knocking at my door, during moments of my greatest weakness. “Eliza,” the looming voice billows, “How can you call yourself a Christian? You are in no way perfect. You might as well surrender and stop this nonsense of attempting to achieve a holy life. You will never accomplish this.”
Though these voices of guilt and condemnation call out to me, the good Shepherd will whisper His sweet assurance to my soul.
“His pleasure is not in the strength of the horse, nor his delight in the legs of the warrior;
the LORD delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love.” (Psalm 107:10-11) It is not in my strength or holiness that causes my Father’s face to shine on me. But it is within the seeking of him, despite my failures, that I learn of his unfailing love for me.
“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” (2 Cor. 12:9)
Dear friend, many times I fear approaching God. I tremble because I fear that my level of perfection would not satisfy Himself. Yet this is not so, it is within our weakness, that He is glorified. His precious blood, is more then enough to satisfy the need for justice, and within the fact I can rest.
For when I loose my way, He is still mighty to save.
When I am unable, He is still able.
When I am weak, He is still strong.
When I am faithless, He is still faithful.
Approach the throne of God, knowing that it is His perfection, not ours, that sustains us.